Rebranding

Director Riggs: I've got Pop and Kevin on high alert, but let's get this done ASAP.

Lars: Uh, shouldn't we maybe preview this weird brand propaganda we're delivering?

Director Riggs: I'm not reading that nonsense--

Director Riggs: (catching himself) Excuse me. I mean, yes, of course. We should be familiar with our new corporate brand.

Director Riggs: But just skim it.

Lars: You worried about leaving the fox in the ol' henhouse?

Director Riggs: I know you're making a joke, but I've seen first hand what that man has done to the Homebase chicken population...

Director Riggs: And I fear I may never laugh again.

Lars: So not a good time to ask you why the chicken crossed the road, huh?

Director Riggs: He crossed the road for help, Lars. Help never came.

Lars: I'm... gonna read up on our brand.

Dennis: So, this one says...

Dennis: "We lived our lives thinking Homebases have limits. What if we were wrong?"

Dennis: That's a good start, I guess.

Dennis: "This new Homebase experience will smother your expectations."

Dennis: I mean, general direction's not bad.

Lars: "Are you sick of other Homebases being too dry and too small?"

Lars: Is that... is "dry" a complaint we're getting?

Dennis: We've had a few arid days this week.

Sarah: You could have been more entertaining.

Lars: There's no such thing as a fun scientist.

Sarah: What about that one guy?

Lars: Nope.

Dennis: Well, I like the guy who's always finding flaws in superhero movies.

Lars: Do you?

Dennis: Yeah, I guess I don't.

Sarah: "Ask yourself what life would be like if everyone you know could enjoy the same Homebase at the same time."

Dennis: This is really familiar.

Sarah: If this seems familiar, you need to change everything about the way you live your life.

Lars: "The problem with most big Homebases is that there's never enough cheese."

Lars: "Stack a second Homebase on top of your first Homebase for double the Homebase-y goodness."

Lars: This has to be the dumbest thing I've ever read.

Director Riggs: Actually, this is par for the course for corporate consultants.

Lars: Then why hire them?

Director Riggs: Unofficially... gotta have someone take the blame. Why not make it the worst person you've ever met?

Dennis: (gasp) "The new ultrabig Homebase will change your life forever and change the way you think about beef?!"

Dennis: This is from my online burger dream journal!

Dennis: Specifically the April 2nd entry, "I Dreamed About a Ten Pound Burger and So Can You!"

Dennis: I knew that burger would change the world!

Director Riggs: Actually, I think we've all been had. This was a distraction, and I'm afraid we fell for it.

Director Riggs: Let's go home and see what the damage is.

Dennis: Hey, uh, if we've been robbed, can I announce it?

Director Riggs: Ask Sarah. It's her turn.

Dennis: Sarah, can I--?

Sarah: Knock yourself out.

Dennis: We've Been Robbed!

Director Riggs: Hang on. Let me open the door first.

Director Riggs: Yup. Take it from the top.

Dennis: I think we got it.