A Dark and Brainstormy Night

Dennis: I found a clue!

Willow: What is it?

Dennis: Some sort of brine.

Dennis: (slurp)

Dennis: Ah! A non-delicious kind that immediately makes your brain feel hot! Hot! Ow, ow!

Lars: Ugh. I found some brine leftovers too.

Dennis: Oh, you should--

Lars: I am not drinking it, Dennis.

Dennis: Tch. Well not with that attitude.

Ray: Huh. This jar looks weirdly familiar.

Sarah: Do you have a different relationship with jars than the rest of us?

Ray: You know, I didn't think so? But it is not out of the realm of possibility that I am just really good at jar recognition.

Ray: Which is great, because I really needed a win.

Sarah: I am begging you to set that bar higher.

Ray: Huh. This jar also looks familiar.

Ray: Aw man. What if I'm the worst jar recognizer?

Lars: Is this where we should be spending our focus right now?

Ray: YES.

Lars: You said I'm allowed to sit in the van whenever you're spiralling.

Lars: And you're spiralling again. I'll sit this one out.

(van door closes)

Dennis: Do I get to leave, too?

Ray: N-n-n-no, Dennis, you are the folie to my deux. You are in this.

Dennis: Oh no.

Ray: You see it too, don't you?

Dennis: I see it. I recognize it. I know this jar.

Ray: I've had dinner with this jar.

Dennis: I think I took a vacation with this jar...

Ray: I think I... care about this jar

Dennis: With every passing second I am becoming more and more certain that this jar is my friend.

Willow: Hey, Jar Freaks.

Dennis: We're not Jar Freaks. We're just freaking out about these jars.

Sarah: Why are we freaking out about jars when there are zombie chickens everywhere?

Willow: You should be, because this place is crawling with zombie chickens.

(crash shatter, zombie chicken cluck)

Willow: So you might want to speed up whatever it is you're doing.

Ray: I wish I knew what was in you!

Dennis: I've got it, Ray! Brainstorm!

Ray: Uh, okayokayokay, uh uh.. it- it could have been pickles? Or uhhhh... banana peppers? Or weird coins and like old receipts?

Dennis: No! BRAINSTORM. Our friend! The guy with the jar head, and the brain, and the...

Dennis: Rest of him is actually pretty normal, really "brain jar" is the headline here.

Ray: You're right!

Ray: If this is Brainstorm's jar... where is his brain? And his body?

Brainstorm: RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

Dennis: Ah!

Dennis: Oh. Uh. Not to be rude, but... you're not actually behind us.

Brainstorm: Then...

Brainstorm: TO YOUR LEFT!

Ray: Uh... try again?

Brainstorm: TRY YOUR OTHER LEFT, AND FAILING THAT, MY OTHER LEFT.

Ray: Ooh. You doing okay, buddy?

Brainstorm: I am doing perfectly fine for a man with chunky brine syndrome, thank you very much.

Brainstorm: Now, can we make it so that, ah... you're lost, but I'm in the right place? That would be very helpful.

Brainstorm: I know for a fact, for a fact... that if a nosferatu licks you, you get to vamp out for a full thirty minutes!

Brainstorm: But they won't do it. The cowards!

Ray: Cool. Coolcoolcool. Great. Um, can we get back to that whole opening-the-Door-to-Darkness thing?

Brainstorm: I told you. I have chunky brine syndrome.

Willow: I am begging you not to call it that.

Ray: What is chunky--

Willow: (gags)

Ray: Uh, sorry. Uh, w- what is... brain... boba syndrome?

Brainstorm: It's not a big deal. Just causes some minor coordination issues...

Brainstorm: But chunky brine syndrome...

Brainstorm: Causes the sufferer to lose access to all emotions one by one...

Brainstorm: Until only fear remains.

Willow: So what better place to hide than horrifying Hexsylvania?

Brainstorm: Yes!

Willow: I was being sarcastic.

Brainstorm: Sarcasm was the first chunk to go. But if you shake my jar, you might see it!

Sarah: Sounds delightful.

Brainstorm: It isn't

Brainstorm: I need my chunks to FEEL something today.

Brainstorm: I am in pursuit of the ultimate fear, and only the Door to Darkness can give it to me!

Ray: So, my sloshy-brained friend, what is it gonna take to get you into Lars' van?

Lars: No offense, but anyone suffering from chunky anything rides on the roof.

Ray: Onto Lars' van?

Brainstorm: Fun surprise! I have sabotaged the van. By removing pieces from it. Sneakily.

Ray: Why would you do that?!

Brainstorm: It would be unfair for me to be the only one to enjoy the cold touch of creeping dread!

Sarah: I think this particular dread is less "creeping" and more "imminently dangerous."

Ray: Okay, can you put those pieces back in his van, so we don't get eaten by ghosts, pretty please?

Brainstorm: Well that plan doesn't sound very scary.

Dennis: The man does have a point.

Ray: Does he, Dennis?

Lars: He doesn't... but I have an idea. There's nothing spookier than a good ol' fashioned campfire story!

Lars: Brainstorm, if we can scare you ourselves... will you let us take you home?

Brainstorm: I was not aware you were masters of the horrific arts.

Willow: They're not.

Sarah: We just don't wanna get ghosted.

Dennis: The man does have a point.

Ray: Yes, sadly that is true. One day our thing will be a little more inspirational...

Ray: But for now, that's good enough.

Brainstorm: I disagree, but I accept your terms. Scare me once, shame on me. And I go home.